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Shalom SOULjourners! This week we're in week five of Lent.
Lend yourself to lean into this week's Lent theme: want.
I celebrated my 47th birthday on April 2nd. And I so eagerly wanted to move into my new home by April 1st (the day we had to turn in the keys to our landlord), instead, there were a series of disappointing developments that we experienced.
For now, we are living with family until we can move forward into our new home—so it is only fitting that I share the reflections from my heart of lament and resolve in this place of waiting in my longing.
Thank you for holding space for me and our family in your prayers. Although my circumstance has not changed, I can sense Jesus changing my sorrowful waiting into eagerly waiting.
As a self-identified five on the Enneagram, in times like this, I'd typically become reclusive and isolated from reality and others. Inevitably, I'd withdraw from all human touch.
My belief was that isolation was the refuge I needed, but this trap to retreat from contact with myself and others proved to be nothing more than my disconnection with reality.
But in the last ten years of my life, I've learned to embrace what my soul—my full embodied life—needs to release oxytocin into my body and come into a state of calm, connection, trust, and belonging... it is through warm, safe touch.
As I open up to my loved ones and friends emotionally, or make myself accessible in various ways, I sense Jesus grounding my entire self all the more, as I stay connected with my physicality.
Hugs, snuggles, holding hands, cuddles, the touch of encouraging texts have been increasing feelings of goodness and well-being throughout my days. Even my own touch, massaging my Vagus Nerve has had this result.
This is how the incarnate life is lived out when we are aware of and allow the divine-human touch to engage us, which brings the body back into a state of calm and shalom (peacefulness). This is where I/we are fully known.
(Known, by Tauren Wells)
My palms are up and open to receive from this prayer:
“I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.” (Psalm 130:5-6)
LORD, let that be my desire, let that be my hope. You are worth the wait.
My Reflections - My Want + My Acceptance
Darkness covered the surface of the watery depths, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters. (Genesis 1)
You are hovering over my watery depths.
What is my body, in its holistic wisdom, responding to?
Is life as I am living it the right life for me right now?
When my soul-body is saying "no" to participation in the world, the first thing to ask is, ”Does the world as it is presented me, merit my full participation?"
I choose a sacred giving up to give upward to you, Jesus.
When I give up my allegiance to what I want; I will give God the gift of all of who I am becoming in the giving up—this leads to acceptance.
Acceptance isn't resignation.
Acceptance is where healing happens.
Acceptance unburdens me and helps me to give up on what I believe I'm entitled to in exchange for giving in to something I am intended for.
Acceptance is where authenticity outweighs my insecurities.
Acceptance fuels courage.
Whatever I have the courage to practice I will eventually master.
Life is messy. Relationships can be messy. I make messes; however, I am not a ’mess’ nor am I a ’hot mess’—I am beloved. My circumstances can never inform my multifaceted identity.
When my finite plans converge with the Beloved’s infinite purposes, I am invited to surrender all to His infinite wisdom, comfort, and grace.
This is my soul’s freedom—acceptance. Accepting the muchness of Jesus to untether me from the mutiny of the ego.
Mohawkmomma Soul Podcast Episode:
Until next time,
Scribble. Speak. From your soul.
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Lent week Four
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